catching up.

Hej. Eller nagot this has to be an entry in English, I'm writing this from my PC since I spilled water on my MacBook and it's drying. Trying not to be on the Net so much, actually I'm trying to catch up on schoolwork, most of the time I leave it for the last minute, but that makes me very stressed so today despite it's being Halloween, I've been trying to design a flyer for my Design class, these are not anything of what I will hand in though (or at least I don't think I will hand them in) but I have to start somewhere, there's too much white space, but we're only allowed to use text so I am not sure how to fill out the space, although I like white space, I'm sure my teacher don't.



(click on them to see them bigger)

Something else I've been starting on is a short story. I'm not sure how many pages it has to be, but I need to make at least two character sheets and write down the setting of where the story plays out. It should be interesting, the more I go into solitude the more imagination I get to write and the better the story will get. so far I've been writing down some on my Ipod: You know you could hide easy in this city, but tthat dosen't mean we have to do that, we could take the train and leave tomorrow no one would have to know, it's easy. He looked up on me and asked: But where should we go? We can go anywhere I replied, where do you want to go? He didn't answer instead he looked longingly out the window, out across the street, he didn't say anything for a couple of minutes then he uttered: But what about money? It won't be a problem I told him, we will take jobs if we need to.
Outside the storm really took it's toll on the street, Cabs honked their horns to get through the dense traffic. People was running by the window with the umbrealls tightly gripped and their hoods up. I want to leave this weather he said. I want to go somewhere where it never rains...


On another note: my grandma past away, sad but now she don't have to feel pain anymore.

en tanke om att vara ensam.


Mest av allt skulle jag vilja sitta inne hela dagarna, hela nätterna, instäng på mitt rum, inte ens behöva öppna dörren och gå de 20 stegen ner för trappan för att vara interaktiv med folk och laga mat. Bara sitta här och skriva, måla, teckna, läsa, göra små videos, spela musik, spela gitarr. Och fast det här egentligen borde vara ett paradis, för att jag slipper betala hyra, så känns det som ett fängelse, för jag måste prata med folk, jag måste vara glad och uppåt, le och vara fånigt aktiv.

Tänk dig att aldrig hitta någon som förstår dig, någon som inte förstår att det de ser som egoistiskt och kallt, okänsla och ovilja att prata bara är en ovilja att följa massan, en vilja av att vara ensam. För någon som inte gillar att vara ensam, för någon som gillar att synas och ses, ha en massa vänner, har koll på de senaste trenderna inom musik, TV och film. kan de ses som självmord att vilja sitta instängd i ett rum 24 timmar om dygnet utan yttre kontakt.
Men det är för att alla den massmedia konsumtionen ni slänger i er, porträtterar "loners" som något farligt och otänkbart. Det porterterar oss som mördare, pedofiler, nördar, som någon som är ensam bara för att ingen vill umgås med personen. Men så är inte fallet, vi väljer själva att vara ensamma.
För att för mycket integration med andra människor influerar oss för mycket, gör att vi inte kan vara oss själva. Det tar död på våra kreativa tankar. Energin vi ödslar på att försöka göra oss förstådda av "the mob" tar upp all vår tid, att försöka vara glad och alltid svara på frågor ställda till oss, gör att vi sjunker längre och längre ner i en värld som inte är våran värld, och när vi är så djupt nersjunka i den världen som inte är vår, desto större är risken att vi gör vad som helst för att slippa den. Så därför är vi mer stabila om vi stannar inne, umgås med oss själva, och då och då tar oss tid att umgås med en annan "loner".

Att jag sitter ensam på mitt rum, och inte har kontakt med världen utanför, betyder inte att jag mår dåligt, det är tvärtom, det betyder att jag mår kanon, det betyder att jag inte behöver omvärlden för att göra mig glad, jag blir mer rädd för mig själv när jag ter mig till normen och spenderar alldeles för mycket tid utanför mitt rum.

helg va

Lördag var awsome, Nej okay där ljög jag, lördag morgon var åt helfet, kallsvett och allmänt illamående, trodde jag skulle dö. fan varje gång jag får ilningar nu, tror jag att jag ska börja kallsvettas, anyway no more about that, det var läskigt. Jag sov bort hela resten av lördag förmiddag och hälften av lördag eftermiddag. Lördag kväll däremot var jag på benen igen, och tur var det, för jag var med om ett episkt Halloween party en vecka för tidigt. Carson och hans house mates hade "maskerad ball" träffa en hel drös shysst nytt folk, två uteliggare, en elvis, två alice i underlandet, en ninja, en hooters brud, och säkert en massa annat folk med. Tyvärr inga pics än, men det kommer väll en annan dag.

Idag bleb det, the main even, arcade games, laser tag och sen jackass 3d, med Fher.



bollar

ha ha kan man ha roligar?
jo det kan man nog!

oh en röd flwong ball e på min skärm nu den e jätte fin och gör mig glad, hela världen är skön jag vill dela den med någon, jag e kär, åh vilken söt lite röd boll, jag önskar du kunde höra den och kolla på den glödande bollen

någon var förfriskad.

OMG

OMG OMG

.

Shiet. I've been couching since last weekend. I don't really feel like myself, I can feel a little trace of headache, not as bad that it actually impare my ability to think straight, but it's still annoying, I just kinda wait for it to break out. I don't really feel like doing anything, I'm very apathetic, (and that feels really shitty, because I do really want to do stuff, I haven't been hanging out with friends for 2 months or so) don't feel like studying, which I really should be doing or at least cleaning my room, just want to sleep, wish I didn't have school tomorrow. Anyways I think that the reason my couch is so persistence is because of the very dry air, because I only feel like couching at night an in the mornings, so I went out and bought myself an air humidifier. It's plugged in now, and I do actually feel a little better already, I'm not panic couching anymore.

.

There's something that is strange with liking another cancer type persona.
No one ever wants to take the first step in showing feelings, so we spend hours just staring each other down until someone builds up the courage to do something.
even though we both now what we want to do, it can seem like a delicate dance or a game of will. who will budge first.

red balloons



I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Feast is the little-death that brings tootle obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over and through me.
And when it has gone past I will tune the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
- Frank Herbert.

I like that quotation. it reminds me that fear should and can not win over me.


Balloons makes me happy, and red is my favourit color.



James and Nicolee cutting the cake.



.

Today I went to a Bridal shower, my friend Nicloee, that I haven't seen for about 5 months is getting married tomorrow!

yeah yeah

Dear blog, I have a back ache and more to come. I went to see Matt and Kim today, that was crazy, I don't think I have danced that much since I saw Klaxons at Malmö Felstivalen a couple of years ago, I was wet of sweat and I got bruises everywhere, I got hit by someones shoe in my face, and I just saw that I've got a mixture of gum, sparkly thing and a ticket on my shoes.
I also saw some strange local band called best fewnds and a really good "post-rock/math-rock" band called Fang Island.
So here comes the videos, the acoustic at House of Blues sucks btw.


Live at palladium

Vampire Weekend,
the show at palladium was crowded, it was a vey intense energy, it was dance, it was singing, it was jumping up and down and it was big smiles.
I hadn't herd much of the very best before, they were really good, and beach house never heard them before, both the opening acts was pleasant surprises.
Vampire weekend where really good, pretty much played just hits from their two albums. I danced crazy and felt the energy in Palladium rise for every song.

Recorded some video with my ipod (supriselly good quality, much better than my point-and-shot camera)







and Beach house


I am by the way feeling really good. I had some ups and downs, but don't we all?
It's tricky when you lose yourself, I've taken some time for myself to figure things out and to find myself again, I got lost there with to much energy and influence from something that I created for myself.
But it could also have been the weather.

it's a sad sad time

Fear of letting go is merely fear of being forgotten.
It's so easy to just delete something like a number a message or a picture.
But deleting something from your memory hurts, it hurts so bad and it gives so many tears, that you're afraid of doing it, you postponed it until there's nothing else that can compete with the pain of breaking free, when not even cutting your wrist would hurt. and you wish, you really wish, that deleting the memories would be as easy as pushing a button and watch the bar go from 0 to 100 % and it would be over.
But there's always fragrance that reminds you, places you can't go to, without remembering. and it's always the good things that stays, even though it was always the bad thing your remembered when it was. why is it so?

Randomness


Random people are fun.. Ha ha how often do you met new people at the coffee shop? apparently I do that all the time, like today! and then I hung out with him for about 7 hours. Now I don't really feel like going home but I guess I'll have to.

even when you didn't choose it.

Amazing vegetarian BBQ friday evening, Trainspotting and early to bed.
Waking up Saturday around 7:00, knowing you can sleep for another 3 hours, a shower, breakfast and the off to school for 3 hours, after class, going to a coffee shop to have lunch, heading to the park to draw, watch the sun go down, visit "grandpa" have a nice conversation and end the night with a motorcycle diary, dreaming about revolution. And it hasn't been Sunday yet. Life is good when you are in solitude.



The birds are coming back, as they do every fall.


Great no really, okay no not

My life would be great if I didn't have to take this class.

One: I am not interested in the subject.
Two: I don't know the software ahead of time and therefor do not need to know scripting for it.
Three: I don't understand anything that the teacher is talking about.
Four: I don't need this for my degree.

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