having a conversation with a monolingual race

Hey sorry I haven't updated for a while, things happend and then I didn't feel like pouring out my feelings here.
My boyfriend, well now i can't say that anymore, but anyway that guy broke up with me monday night, because he felt he did a bad job of being a boyfriend, is that up to him to decide? No I think he did a great job better than anyone else. 
I decided to not curl up into my own solitude and cry, which equals I can't be home because it just dosen't work. 
But it is kind of sad that the moment you open up yourself is always a moment to late, and I don't think he really told me the truth, they never do, do they? They always tries to smooth things out by saying; I like you too, but I'm still breaking up with you, where's the logic in that? It's like they're monolingual or just monothinkigual (i came up with that word, it's not really a word), maybe if I say so I'll get chance later on, it's like eating the cake and still have it. 
But hey you know what! Just tell the truth, beacuase the truth is so much better, and it makes it easier to move on.

Watch my Ninja Moves

The birth of a Ninja

Leaving on a Mayday

Sunday should call for album reviews, but then again, I don't do reviews very good, so I'm just going to put out the album I've ben listening to a lot during this week. Maybe some of you will find a new favourit, maybe you already heard it, maybe you hate it, I don't care.

My album of the week is Leaving on a Mayday with Anna Ternheim. I eat breath and sleep this album, which means this is the album I wake up to, fall asleep to and the album that has been my soundtrack this week. If you're looking for happy songs you need to look somewhere else, Anna doesn't write happy songs, she write songs about heartache and lost loves. You can feel the melancholy without even listening to the lyrics. It's all in a minor key. It's an album  made for sitting in your solitude and feel sorry for yourself and decide that you have to do something about it. It's a sad but beautiful album. 

Live High

I had such a good day today. I need to do things by myself more often, especially now when the weather is just right, not to hot and not cold.
I drove to a thrift store, I love walking around thrift stores, you always find something, I bought, two dresses (I never really wear dresses but you got to start some day), a scarf, two shirts, a t-shirt, and two sweaters all for $16.00. After that I drove through the historical district  of McKinney taking photos, and going to garage sales. I had a random meeting with a lady whos car broke down and she asked me if I could drive her home, so I got to see a neighborhood I wouldn't see if it wasn't for her, we had a really nice conversation to.
After that I went to downtown McKinney, I had an icecream and looked around all the antique shops for about an hour and I just felt this is what life should be like, I love this place.

Knight and laundry

Hur du förbättrar din engelska

andra delen i How to be an American..

Det är förstås en fördel att kunna prata någorlunda bra engelska innan du tänker på att flytta till ett engelsktalande land.
Klart lär man sig en del på att bara prata engelska hela tiden men människor som har engelska som modersmål kommer alltid ha ett försprång.

Det finns förstås vissa saker man kan göra för att bättra på sina engelska kunskaper.
Här kommer några tips.

  • När du tittar på film, läser tidningar, böcker, osv och kommer till ord du inte kan, kolla upp vad de betyder och skriv ner dem. När du samlat ihop en ca 20 tal ord plugga dem som glosor.
  • Hitta en podcast på engelska som intresserar dig. De anväder oftast väldigt vardagligt språk och uttryck. Samma här om det kommer upp meningar och ord du inte förstår, skriv ner och översätt och plugga sen på dem.
  • Hitta en blogg skriven av en inhemsk engelsktalande person, och översätt inläggen till svenska.
  • Läs en ordbok, ja det låter tråkigt, men du kommer lära dig ord du inte trodde fanns, fler sätt att uttrycka dig på, osv.
  • Skaffa dig amerikanska vänner, IRL, MSN, IM, you name it.
  • Träna på uttal
  • Prata så mycket engelska du kan, och se till att ha roligt medans du lär dig.

Några användbara länkar

http://www.tyda.se - ordbok
http://lexin.nada.kth.se/sve-eng.html - ordbok
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ - ordbok
http://www.urbandictionary.com/ - bra för förklaringar av slanguttryck.
http://www.antimoon.com/ - mer om hur du förbättrar din engelska
http://www.mylanguageexchange.com/ - hitta någon som vill lära sig svenska i utbytte mot att de lär dig engelska.

Glöm inte att titta tillbaks nästa lördag, då kommer jag skriva ett inlägg och matkedjor..

Sensetive information

Jag vill egentligen inte skriva det här, jag vill säga det fyra ögon emellan, men jag kan inte hålla det i huvudet längre, det tar upp för mycket av min tankeverksamhet.

Jag vill säga att jag är romantisk, men i verkligheten tror jag inte att jag kan leva upp till det. 
Det är så här: när jag känner att någon faktiskt gillar mig jag blir rädd och drar mig undan, för jag vill inte bli sårad. Det är så svårt att bryta detta mönster. Jag behöver en hel del bekräftelse när jag är i detta tillståndet. 
Historien bakom det, jag brukade vara riktigt öppen med mina känslor och berätta för folk när jag gillar dem, det där jag gillar dig mer än en vän, men det alltid slagits tillbaks, med kommentarer som: Jag gillar dig som vän, jag leker bara med dig, jag vill bara ha sex. Killar är så komplicerade, de visar hela skalan av känslor, och i slutändan de vill bara vara din vän. Sluta vara så vänliga och gulliga sedan. 

Jag är lite i det stadiet i detta nu, jag gillar någon och jag vet inte hur jag ska visa det,  allt jag säger känns så uselt/ Cheesy. 
Jag vill bara ge honom en stor kram och tala om för honom vad som händer inne i mitt huvud och hur jag känner för honom och varför han får mig att känna på det sättet. Det är en fantastisk känsla. Men då denna osäkerhet gör att jag inget säger, kanske är jag rädd för att det kommer att skrämma bort honom, tror han att eftersom jag inte visar mina känslor att jag inga har för honom. Det är så långt från sanningen man eventuellt kan komma.

(Det är fortfarande fredag i 15 minuter till)


I'm sitting here with Alex and Jazzy on the couch, Alex asked me to get my computer so we could do computer work togheter, he's having his little yellow computer and Jazzy has a toy with a sterering wheel, that she calls her computer. 
I'm coughing and  trying to clear my throath, It feels much better today but I still feel the mucus halfway down my throath, I can't swallow it and I can cough it up, it's a very annoying feeling. Sorry for being so literal ha ha. MIght be something that is stuck down there except the mucus. like popcorn. it wouldn't suprise me. 

the quiz

Today was one of these days where you wake up and you don't feel fit for what life has to offer for you, on days like these it's always nice to have friends that you know loves you. So today I'm grateful for Moa and Lisa who made my day so much better by just telling me that they missed me. I'm thankful for them because I know that I can call them anytime of they day and they will pick up the phone, listen to my problems and guide me through it. Moa although a lot of things she says is just babbling, always comes with really good advice so even this time.

I feel so much better, now when I know what to do about the things that's been bothering me.

I'm like a rookie paramedic to a siren

So I've been having a cold for a week, and now I'm far from my getting my flight tickets booked, I had to go to the doctor today, because this cold wouldn't give in. And guess what, the moment the doctor started to examine me, I all ready knew what the verdict where to be, and what they would give me to cure it. I'm on antibiotics and Mucinex D for a sinitus infection, the second one within a year. I read somewhere that antibiotics can give you chronic sinitus infection, I don't want to have that, but right now I'm pretty tired of the headaches so I don't care what I take. The drugs for this cost me $70 and that was just the antibiotics. Bye sweden, Mom you want to sponsor me, until I saved up some more money?

Other things I was looking foward to see Matt tomorrow but he has to coach softball, it kinda sucks, but it's his new subbing job, and well, yeah that's life..

Okay now I feel bad, because I was all quiet when he called, I was occupied looking up the DS-156 form or maybe I'm just tired. I'm sorry about that.
But at least I booked my ambassy appointment now, so it's going to be Stockholm June the 4th. 

(by the way I've gained 4 pounds since last summer, I thought it was more)

21 means 1 year.

Today is April the 21th it's just another day for a lot of people.
But for me, it means it's been one year since I left for the US and A.
One whole year without "fighting" with Zushi, ha ha is it odd that that is what I think about (no I mean she's the one I spent most of my time with before leaving if you don't count Jesper and the job).
One year without seeing kent live a single time, or one year without having a real fika, one year since I saw a real soccer game, one year without playing lasertag with my buddies, (they're still asking when I'm going to be home for good. Does that mean they miss me, or that I'm that good, IDK, I think they'll be disappointed when they find out I haven't been playing alot as I said I would)

But one year with lots of great adventures and new people, people who really have changed my way of looking at life.
I'm glad I took the opportunity to got here and didn't change my mind.
I would have never met Matt if I had decided to stay home, Matt is fun, I like him :).

Should I celebrate today or maybe I'll wait untill Saturday. or is it something to celebrate! I think it is.

In other news, It was great weather today, around 84F which is about 29C not a cloud in the sky. I just got back from class, next time is the last one  and I'm done with my 6 credits for this year, I still have to study 3 more credits for the remaining 6 months I'm working as an au-pair.

By the way I think I know when I'm going to Sweden for a visit now, it looks like it's going to be the first two weeks of June, that means June the 1th to June the 14th of course. That's less than two months away, it's going to be awesome if it goes through, I still don't have enough money to buy the flight tickets, I'm missing about $500, my mom's going to call me and tell me that will be easy money to save up, so I'm going to say it here, No mom it's not, I still have a life, and it does not consist of me spending all the time in the house.


Ja föresten mitt inlägg how to be an american var på första sidan av blogg.se idag, det var en trevlig överraskning, tack för kommentarerna på inlägget, och hoppas att det hjälpte lite i djungeln av visum. Glöm inte att titta tillbaks nästa Lördag för uppföljaren, Hur du förbättrar din Engelska, för kom ihåg ingen är fullärd.

Yes, by the way my entry how to be an american was on the first page at blogg.se today, it was a pleasant suprise, thank you for all the comments on that entry, I hope it helped you a little in this jungel of visas. Don't forget to check back next Saturday for the follow-on, How to improve your English, because no one is ever fully learned.

My boyfriend is better than your boyfriend.

Ha ha I'm having a very odd conversation with a friend, we are comparing boyfriends.. I never though I would have that conversation with him, actually I never though of have it with anyone. Of course mine is better on all levels. Not much to discuss there, I'm leaving the subject.

T: We can't invite Jabba The Hut.
F: But we have to, he could throw himself over her instead of me, you know he invited me to take a sauna with him alone. I don't want to do that, It makes me scared going back to Sweden, he's going to hunt me down, you know how he is.

Talking old memories are always fun, people you knew from school, what they do nowdays have they changed, could you see the pattern they where growing into.
I'm happy I'm not the one everyone calls. Some of them where pretty crazy.
- hi it's meeeee, It would be nice if you called back sometime (imagine this with a very weeping voice happening more than once a week).
Even though I never met and I wasn't really friendly with them, even after 4 years they still hit me up on MSN once in a while.

This day has been so laidback, the grandparents, the uncle and the cousin are here so theres plenty of people to play with.
They're going to be here all week so it's going to be nice, maybe I could get some things done, like cleaning my room, no I don't think that will be done. Excercise more, paint, well actually I don't have a lot of things to do.


Shine on

Finally after a lot of shilly-shally I went out on my bike, I really need to do that a lot more, I'm so out of shape, I think I went for perhaps a 2 mile bike route and when I got back I was so tired I fell asleep, maybe the fact that I've been sick and still feel sick had something to do with me being out of shape.

Today we all went to IKEA, it's kinda funny when you go there, because it's just like if you're at IKEA in Sweden, except everyone talks English, but the books in the bookshelves are all in Swedish and all the tags. I love how they have small "apartments" built up and you can pretend your living in there, "grown-up teaparty", (mamma, pappa barn I don't know how to translate that).

.yummy meatballs.

På senaste tiden har jag filosoferat en del om tro.
Jag är döpt och jag konfimerade mig, men jag vet inte om jag gjorde det för att jag trodde utan för att alla andra gjorde det
eller för att mina föräldrar tjatade på mig om det.

kanske gud, nej jag vill inte kalla det för bara ett namn, det är inte det att jag inte tror på något större, det är det att jag tror inte att det bara är en sak,
Det finns inte bara en väg som är den rätta vägen.
Men allt som händer, händer inte av en slump det tror jag inte allt kanske är noga uträknat och något högre ger dig olika val och uppgifter för dig att ta dig igenom, allt i livet är ett val och det är bara du som kan bestämma hur du löser en uppgift eller vilken väg du väljer. och för varje val du gör uppstår situationer  vissa som du kanske inte alltid gillar, men du lär dig alltid, vilket val du än tar, det är det som är prövningen. och i slutet av livet  har du förhoppningsvis gjort fler bra val än dåliga.

Förlåt om det här är jätte flummigt, jag behöver bara få det ur mig.


Shine on

Strange Days

Seems like it is a beautiful day, maybe a little windy, but my goal for today is going for a bike ride, I need to start execise more.
I woke up and had a sleep paralysis, you know when you can't move you body even though you're fully awake. It wasn't the first time it happend, so I didn't get to creeped of the fact that I couldn't move for a couple of minutes but i still feel that my muscles havn't recovered.

Bacon wrapped french toast stick stonehenge
Strange Days

Texas in my <3 baby!

I had real Chinese food for breakfast and German food for dinner, tell me one time that would happen in Sweden.
If I had Chinese food in Sweden it would be fried chicken or at best rice and spring rolls, I had the choice of shrimp dumblings, dumplings with vegetables, fried dumblings, sticky rice with duck and mushrooms, and a whole lot more.
I love this country!


I like how you can find food from all over the world here.
Like Japanese Cand, they have tons of it if you look in the right places.

How to be an American...

Okay sorry jag lovade att det här skulle komma igår, men jag hade så mycket att göra hela dagen att jag inte han.
Här är det i alla fall.

För att få stanna permanent i USA, dvs i mer än 90 dagar på turist-visum, kan du göra något av det följande.
Passar inte något av det här finns det ca 60 andra olika visum du kan söka, Besök  www.uscis.gov , du kan även ringa  1-800-375-5283 för att ställa frågor om visum.
eller läsa den här boken.

Vinn Green-card Lotteri

Gå med i Us goverment green-card lotteri det startar i oktober och i slutet av december får du reda
på om du vunnit. Gå in på (http://www.greencardforall.org) för att läsa mer, akta dig annars för online sidor som försöker sälja papper och en garanterad vinst i lotteriet.
När du väll har vunnit lotteriet, kostar det $600 för att få skicka in ansökan.

Fixa student-visum

De finns en del sätt att få student visum, det det lättaste är att genom en svensk högskola/ univeristet åka på ett utbytes år till USA, då betalar högskolan/universitet treminsavgift, boende kostnader och alla andra konstander som studiematerial och resa dit.
Sponsor är ett annat alternativ, du hittar/har någon i USA som kan tänka sig sponsra dig, dvs att de hjälper dig med mat/husrum i vissa fall även terminsagvift.
Eftersom du egenligen inte får jobba när du har studentvisum är sponsorerna ett sätt för staten att veta att du inte kommer behöva jobba. För att få ett student visum på det här sättet måste du vara antagen till en skola och sedan gå dit med din sponsor på en interjuv.
Du kan även åka på "college year" med vissa organisationer som EF och STS, men då kostar det mer efter som organisationen i fråga tar ut en kommision för att hjälpa dig att skaffa ett visum, organisationen i fråga är som en sponsor.


Detta är ett krångligt alternativ, Se till att du har ett jobb som är så pass unikt att ingen amerikanare kan göra det.
Lättare är att söka jobb på ett multinationellt företag och sen be om förflyttelse til USA, IKEA bland andra har många svenskar som jobbar i USA.

Gift dig

Hitta en rik amerikan(ska), det är inte lätt att leva I USA som fattig, gärna någon du tycker om också,
Ni måste gå på interjuv för att vissa att ni verkligen har gift er, dvs vissa upp ringar bröllopsfoto, osv, ni måste även bo ihop i 5 år.
Dock kan även detta alternativ var väldigt krånligt.
Du kan inte komma in i landet på turistvisum, gifta dig, få ett greencard och stanna utan du måste skaffa dig ett annat sorts visa som tillåter att du gifter dig och stannar.
Har du student visum kan du gifta dig och stanna, efter som många gifter sig direkt efter college.

Cultural Exchange visa

Som Au-pair kan du stanna i upp till två år.
Det kan förstås var bra om du gillar att jobba med barn, eftersom det lär bli rätt tråkigt annars, det är trots allt därför du åker, för att se efter någon annans barn.
Lönen är kanske inte den bästa, men du har gratis mat och husrum samt två veckor semester per år.
Reglerna säger också att du inte får jobba mer än 10 timmar per dag och 45 timmar per vecka, och att du måste ha minst en helg ledig i månaden.

Åk i fängelse, (gå direkt i fängelse utan att passera gå).

Det absolut dummast sättet.
Du kommer vara i USA men du kommer sitta inspärrad, kanske på livstid, och om du kommer ut innan du dör
så kommer du aldrig kunna åka tillbaks.

Nästa lördag: Så förbättrar du dina engelska kunskaper.

one hour earlier

oh fuck.
what am i doing up at this time? I can sleep for another hour, so why don't I? I thought it was 7:00 not 6:00, great. 
I need a massage my back hurts, I think I've been lying down to much.

"a few minutes on friday"

I'm getting better and being sick has brought some good ideas to what I can do with my blog. I also lost some weight that I probably will put on again. (In two days I've had a lot of water but only been eating a toast with ham, a sandwhich and a banana).
I'm thinking of doing a once a week recurrent topic, How to become an American, it's going to be little of a joke but with some good hints and tips. I will start with that tomorrow, and the first enrtry will be How to stay legally in America for more than 90 days. This will be done in Swedish, to gain more readers (of course... that's why I'm doing this).

A few minutes on Friday
Why you lose your hearing

How long could you survive trapped inside your kitchen freezer?


I don't feel good at all today, I caught a cold and I think it's from camping, I felt it coming before last weekend, but then it decided to wait or I was to caught up in other things to care for it. 
I woke up at 3 am this morning, sweaty from a typical feverish nightmare and thought I had oversleept. It was nice to know I could go back to bed, and I thought I'd feel better when I woke up, but I didn't. 
I usually don't complain over feeling tired or sick, but today I feel really bad.

I've been sleeping all day except for about 2 and a half hours around noon, when Brenda had to work. But the kids were quiet and played with each other and I was drifting away on the couch. 
I just hope it gets better until tomorrow but right now it dosen't feel like it.

What would you taste like to a cannibal?

YOU'RE STUPID....yes i am

Cheese pizza is yummy when you eat it, not very good after a while, especially not when you're lactos intolerant.
I'm bloated, my back and my head hurts and I got a bad breath, I had to leave class earlier because I didn't feel good. I just wanted to get back home, but of course they were doing road work on the overpass at Custer Rd, so I had to take a detour that took me an extra 10 minutes. I need sleep, but tomorrow will feel like I can sleep in because I don't have to be up until 8 am.

I just heard the new Dave Matthews Band song Funny how it is, it makes me look foward to the album so much more! 
Wow it still sounds like DMB but there's something new there, maybe they're a little more pop, a little more rock, a little more upbeat and popularized (is that even a word, well now it is). you can download the track for free this week out at DMBand.com

well written? I don't think so

I always stand for what I write here, If I weren't to why would I even write it? 
This is like a opening into my head.
An easier way to tell people what's going on, or the cowardly way (of chicken out). 

But then it gets creepy, when you know that people actually reads what I'm writing and take it too serious
(I have a hard time being serious when I interact with people), they probably know more about me than I know myself 
or they think I'm a pretty fucked up, odd person, but then again as long as they think something about me. 
It's like being a celebrity, but in a more modest way. 
It only hurt if you know the reader, or it will only hurt them if I'm being honest.

"Is it possible to have reel of film segments instead of dashes?"

That's a good quote to explain why I write so much, so often. My short and long term memory fasdes so fast.So if I write everything down I can put the pieces togheter and finish the puzzle if I want to remember what my life has been like, moments I liked, mistakes I don't want to make again. 
After all I got entries that dates back 4 years ago. that's a long time I don't often go back to look what I wrote back then,


There's to many of them in this month, if you want to befirend me and want me to remember your birthday don't have your birthday in March, April or May. I know it's LIsas birthday and Håkans Birthday someday soon?Moa's and Tobias' has all ready past, my mom's birthday too, I think it's my brother's birthday on Wedensday (thank's to Facebook). Seriously it much better if you have your birthday in June, July, August or December, for some reason those are easy to remember. 
I could make a list here and now with all of them because there aren't many of them, maybe that's why it's so easy to remember them. 

Hey man, I thought you killed yourself.

So I was out driving, I had to buy new brushes cause I forgot to wash the old ones when I was painting with acrylics, Anyway I was listening to the Garden State soundtrack (best soundtrack ever, to one of the best movies ever), and I was driving 10 mph in a parking lot, and I almost crashed into another car because I forgot to stop, I need to stop drifting away, or stop listening to that soundtrack in the car. Yes that's what I need to do, or perhaps stop eating my own heart out.

So there you have it, Mondays I don't like them to much.
I'm going to finish the painting as I promised I would, maybe this incident shook me up good enough to feel a little off.

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.

I got so old just wondering how I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow

Crazy kids. 
I missed them this weekend it's nice to have a house with yelling kids that run around again it keeps my mind off other things, most of the time at least. 

I don't know why I even have this thoughts it's not that hard to get rid of them it's just a matter of braveness and putting the past aside. 
Well I'm not going to take it up here, it's to personal for that and it would be like falling back to the past, being afraid to speak up. 

On Thursday I'm thinking of having a "I've been here for one year party" well it's not really a party I'm just going to invite some friends make some swedish food and play swedish music. I don't know, but I feel it's worth celebrating. I might call my mom. 

Hey you

I just finished watching The Squid and the Whale, which left me with a sad feeling.
It's a great movie, it's one of these movie you don't know if you want to cry in the end, because the story is so sad, but it still leaves you with hope.
It might be the music in the movie that adds to that feeling 
Like the pink floyd song that is a big part of the storyline. 

Hey you ! out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me
Hey you ! Standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles, can you feel me
Hey you ! don't help them to bury the light
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you ! out there on your own 
sitting naked by the phone would you touch me
Hey you ! with your ear against the wall 
Waiting for someone to call out would you touch me
Hey you ! would you help me to carry the stone
Open your heart, I'm coming home
But it was only a fantasy
The wall was too high as you can see
No matter how he tried he could not break free 
And the worms ate into his brain.
Hey you ! out there on the road
Doing what you're told, can you help me
Hey you ! out there beyond the wall
Breaking bottles in the hall, can you help me 
Hey you ! don't tell me there's no hope at all 
Together we stand, divided we fall.  

Then it might add some more feelings I watched The Wall yesterday, that if nothing else is a really emotional piece of art.

Camping Photos

Here are some pictures from our camping this Friday. Credits to Alp for taking them

Isn't he cute?

Helsingborg du är underbar(t), vacker!

Så idag vaknade jag väldigt tidigt omkring 9 am och var jätte pigg och överväldigad glad.
Jag hade en fantastisk dröm, jag drömde att jag var tillbaka i Sverige tillbaka i Helsingborg och att alla jag känner där hade kommit över till vårt hus för att hälsa mig välkommen hem. en väldigt bra dröm överlag.

Inte ofta, men ibland undrar jag vad alla gör nuförtiden, vad det gör i sina liv, hur alla barn jag har suttit barnvakt åt har vuxit, det har bara gått ett år, men mycket händer på ett år. Det ska bli skönt att komma hem och hälsa på i någon vecka. Bara för att få se hur eller om saker har förändrats eller bara för att få ta en promenad ner till stan, ta en simtur i Öresund, sitta på biblioteket och läsa. Det är rätt mycket jag saknar, men bara på sommaren.

När jag kommer tillbaks i sommar vill jag ha grillning och bränboll på gröningen, åka och bada på kullaberg, cykla och campa på Ven, fotoäventyr med Escalib, laserdome med Håkan, Philip, Marcus, Jacob, Sebbe, Sanna, Robin, Jesper, Magnus och Fredrik, Tura, en dag i Danmark på cykel, åka tåg till Malmö, gå på ute konsert, några dagar på Yxlan, en dag på Liseberg förhoppningsvis med Tobias, Rasmus, Lisa, Henrik och Zushi, är det för mycket att fråga om? Om jag kunde skulle Matt få följa med på ett hörn, jag tror han skulle gilla det. jag vet att jag skulle gilla det.

(Bilderna är utsikt från Talassa in mot stan, city från Kärnan, strandpromenaden och är tagna av Escalib)

10 feet high

give me more give me more

It's 5:53 pm maybe it's time to go up and take a shower, order pizza. 
I smell really bad, with bad I mean I smell like I've been sleeping in a brolier, which is close to the truth. Camping was fun maybe a little too much fun. I can't remember a lot but the little bits and pieces I remember was awesome, brilliant, fucking great! I just had a little to much of the good Swedish stuff, 
and then I had a lot of that other good stuff that was not swedish.

Påsk påsk påsk

Nu ska det bli ett inlägg på svenska om påsken.
Påsken här är helt annorlunda här emot  i Sverige. 
Det borde var mer ståhej här tycker man ju, eftersom befolkningen här är kristna i större utsträckning.
I Sverige är vi ju lediga långfredagen och även vissa på skärtorsdagen, men här jobbar man, de är dock lediga på måndagen, annandag påsk. Kyrkorna har klart påskfirande, min familj går ine i kyrkan  så jag vet inte hur det är med det. 
Det här med att äta en massa ägg och har påskmiddag verkar inte vara så stort heller. 
Dock var mina ungar på easter egg hunt i förra veckan. och om man ställer ut en korg utanför dörren kommer påskharen med ägg, oftast innehållandes leksaker, så det är inte så mycket påskgodis här.
Lite tråkigt faktiskt att missa alla påskkärrningar, jag kanske borde klä ut mig till en och knacka dörr.

Glad påsk i all fall.

Sorry I'm not good with words.

Men det känns som det här:

Mamma läser du fortfarane min blogg?

dead people and such

It's easter, which means I should eat a lot of egg and go to church.. I don't think I'm going to do any of that this easter. 
I had a pretty nice "Skärtorsdag" indeed. I watched Shaun of the dead with Matt, don't ask me what the movie was about I didn't follow  the storyline, but it seemed funny, I need to re-watch it someday, without distraction. 
Tomorrow evening/night brings camping unless it's windy, tents and wind don't go good togheter. 


Great weather today, I brought the kids outside with paint, crayons, markers and a huge piece of paper, but they ended up soaking me with waterguns instead. I'm soaked waist down but got my daily exercise, from running around the backyard. 

I hope the weather stays this way. 

My Host family is leaving for San Antonio on Thursday evening or Friday morning. I'm not going with them this time.

Im not going back..

I'm starting to get chubby,
No, mommy really, I am.
My body appears in places in never been apparing before, it's like it happend over night.
The worst thing is I'm starting to compare myself to others.
I have always been super skinny, even though I eat alot, high metabolism I believe it's called.
Well I guess I eat to much junk food that my body can't turn into, whatever the body turns it into, energy?
(I really need those two weeks of Swedish food and culture, right now)

I need to exercise more, I never really done it before, I was always practicing a sport, I need to find something I can do on a regular basic, like paintball or lasertag, or I should start swimming again. Just running or work-out is boring.

I missed out on taking a photo yesterday... and this sunday.. darn.

Och ja föresten hela den här karusellen med IRPED lagen, kan inte Henrik Pontén gå och gräva ner sig någonstans,
Sverige börjar likna en öststat där allt ska avslyssnas och dokumenteras. Inte nog med att Antipiratbyrån ska sätta fast vad de kallar brottslingar, Henrik Pontén själv är nog den största brottslingen. Läste lite om det första fallet sen Ipred trädde i kraft. Får se hur det klarar sig ur det där? Eller ska domstolen tycka att det är okey med dataintrång när det gäller att sätta fast fildelar.

plans for the week

My ears are killing me, I can't hear anything, okay now I exaggerate, but my hearing is disabled, maybe because of to much ear wax (yuck yuck) I'm trying to get it out with some ear wax softening liquid, it makes me dizzy because it feels like it cloggs up the ears even more, but hopefully by the end of this week it will wash out together with the wax.

Yes and more things to come at the end of the week, we're going camping, I'm looking foward to that, I hope the weather stays the way it is right now, hot and sunny.
Camping also means a whole day/night with Matt, he's working crazy and way too much, I haven't seen him (more than for 30 minutes) since this Monday, it's driving me crazy, because I miss hanging out with him.

This week I also have my last class, this Tuesday, But I think I might go to the class when it's over even though I don't have to, I like my "classmates" they are a fun bunch.

I also wrote a mail to my aunt asking about cheap flight tickets (she works for a travel agency), I'm trying to go back to Sweden for two weeks in June, and as it looks now the cheapest she could find was a round-trip for about $900, that is a lot of money, so I need to save up for that.

is it swedish?

I went to the game yesterday, and I'm glad I did. It was fun, and the stars won and a Swede scored two goals.
And they had a game called is it swedish, ha ha, one of the swedes say something and one out of the audience are going to guess if it's swedish or if it's jibberish.


ouch ouch ouch dammit i hate menstrual cramps..
I'm going to the stars game now, but i want to stay in bed, I already booked tickets and told my friend I'm going and I don't want to let her down. But I really don't feel good at all. I feel likeI'm about to throw up.

in space no one can hear you scream

I thinks it's weird how much more inspiration you get when you don't feel good.. I started on a book, a new one, it's a space adventure i did the cover, wrote a plot and i even got around to draw the characters, wow this would never had happened if I still was in the greet mood I've been in the last couple of months.

Here are one of the paintings.


I got so bored of the green color, it made me want to puke. I all ready feel sick.

I made this with watercolor (aquarelle), I wanted to make it with spray paint, but I don't have a place to do it.
And since watercolor don't smell and don't take forever to dry it's a gread medium to use.
The effects in the sky are from salt and too much water, and the ones on the mountain I scraped with a credit card.


I usually do not complain so I have every right to do so today.
The weather was really good for 3 hours this morning, but when it became cloudy so did my attitude.

I am tired of me, tired of working, I just want to sleep.
I want to scream right out, just scream for an hour to get it all out, whatever it is that makes me cranky

But I guess the downtimes are natures way of saying, hey enjoy your ups because this ain't getting any better and I'm okay with the the moody days because if I didn't had them I wouldn't appriciate the good days.
And it's nice to know I have people around me who makes moody days reasonable.

Don't build that timemachine.

My wallet found it's way back, with everything still inside.

I'm sorry but I need to write this entry Swedish because it makes more sense.

Jag tror jag har vårkänslor.

Det är inte hur man har det. Det är hur man tar det.
Och när man längtar tar saker tid
Det är nåt mellan oss. Mellan oss o världen. För långsamt för snabbt men aldrig i takt
Vi vill ju bara andas. Sova o andas omvartannat inget mer
Ibland gör man rätt. Ibland gör man fel. Lev med det Ibland gör man rätt. Ibland gör man fel. Lev med det

Även om man tar fel beslut brukar livet oftast ändras till något bra. Varför försöka ändra på saker du gjort tidigare i livet,
du kan ändå inte göra något åt det. Ta det för vad det är eller för vad det gjort mot dig, skulle du kunna åka tillbaks och ändra på det, kanske du inte skulle vara samma person du är idag. Jag vet att gjort massa fel, gjort saker jag ångrat stort, men jag är glad över vart jag är nu,  lla saker jag gjort har format mig som person, och ja ibland är jag trött på hur det får mig att framstå hur de gjort mig tyst och försiktig.

Sorry helt vimsigt inlägg.
Jag har egentligen inget annat att säga, jag är bara jätte nöjd med livet som det är just nu.

lost nowhere to be found yet

I don't have the time to write an entry everyday I'm trying to do things and now I'm actually studying, how odd that must sound. I'm studying for the THET test, it's a test you need to take if you want to study at college, and i'm going to have so much problem with the math. I don't worry about the reading and essay part, I know I have sufficient English skills to pass that test.

I lost my wallet, but I have the feeling I'll find it at some odd place, because haven't freaked out over it, I know the last place I saw it. It's not in my room, I turned it literally upside down and it's nowhere to be found. (I got to clean my room at least). I looked in the van and it's not in there, so it's either at Cold Stone or Matt's car, I hope for the last.

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